Singing in the Rain

Bea turned 85. For some reason, she seemed more with it than ever. I don't know why. Maybe it was the nap until dinner time.
I woke her up to Gene Kelly singing. My husband gave her the yellow umbrella. Even if she couldn't remember many words or her singing was off key, she was WONDERFUL! A moment I will remember forever. Sometimes it's a joy to be sitting in the front row.

I have a close friend who lost her Dad to Alzheimer's not long ago. She also took care or her father at home, so naturally our families spent time together. And we got to know her father well. She brought her Dad, with his electric shaver in his back pocket, over to our family BBQ. (This was during the time he would wake everyone up shaving at 2am., so she thought if he had the shaver with him at all times, they might be able to get some sleep.)

So, naturally I did not think about getting a sitter for Mom, when she asked us out to dinner to meet her son's new girlfriend.
Everything was fine until we all put our folded menus on the table. Mom was sitting across from the new girlfriend who was wearing a low cut top.


"BOOBIES, BOOBIES....LITTLE, LITTLE BOOBIES PEEKING OUT!", she shouted as she bounced her own boobs up and down.
"That's o.k. Let them come out...."


Thank God that the girl is studying to be a Marriage Family Therapist. We all laughed and thankfully the new girl has a great sense of humor.

Dinners were ordered, wine poured and we talked. But no one really included Mom in the conversation among 8 people.
I never thought that it would bother her because sometimes she has long quiet spells. When the waitress came with her dinner and tried to place it in front of her, another outburst. "GOD DAMM IT, JESUS CHRIST, SON OF A BITCH! I CAN'T EAT THAT!"

I consider myself more than lucky to have such good friends in such circumstances, but I think dinners with Bea at that restaurant will be far and few from now on.

The Butterfly Jacket

As I passed my mother's room the other afternoon, she whispered, "Come in, come in. I want to show you something."
She took the Butterfly Jacket out of her closet.

Now i need to describe this jacket. It must be one- of -a-kind. Three inch butterflies cover black silk on the front and back. To top it off the entire coat is trimmed in red braiding. I bought it for her at a second-hand store. She doesn't care, but if she were in her right mind she never would accept anything used. My mother wants to wear it every day.

"How do you like it?,she asked.

"It is BEAUTIFUL!"

"I made it you know."

"Oh, that must have taken a lot of time - so many butterflies.. How did you do it?

" It took a lot of time. I had to sew all these shiny things on..."

"The sequins?"

"Yes, the sequins. Here would you try it on? Just for the fun of it."

She always loved clothes and jewelry. And "Just for the fun of it " was a common phrase when new clothes came in the house growing up.She wanted us give her a fashion show, elementary school through high school. I hated it, but now I would gladly try the Butterfly Jacket on for her. And I even added the rhinestone earrings.

Can I wear these to bed?

Mom has long ago forgotten the word,"earring", but she is still very concerned about her appearance. Late every afternoon I wake her up, telling her it's "cocktail hour". ( She gets 1 glass of wine and cranberry juice thereafter - but Mom never knows the difference)

Her immediate response,"Cocktails? Oh, good,"What am I going to wear? You'll have to help me..."


That was really an aside, this is tonight's real story.....
Tonight she found a pair of silver earrings on her bedside table. She insisted on trying them on and smiling at herself in the mirror. I told her she would probably like to wear them to dinner tomorrow with her son,"Chuckie, my boy".

( Isn't it something that she still recalls her only son, yet thinks that I am just another caretaker, no relation, even though she lives with me 24/7?)

Then she asked in a sweet childlike voice, "Can I wear these to bed?"

"Sure!." I almost cried. She is still my mother and she is here physically, but someone else has invaded her brain. I know I will miss her terribly when she is gone, yet there are days when I wish I were anywhere but here. Her slowness in moving,short-term memory loss I don't want to stop living because she is dying....
Some days seem easy, today is not one of them.

Pregnant and married

Looking at old photos, I saw a photo of my Mom and my daughter when she was born. It brought back memories of questions I have never asked.

Mom, You never told me you were pregnant when you go married.

So what? Did I have a baby? What did I have?

A girl.

Did she get married?

Yes.

And did she have children?

Yes. Two daughters.

Well, then. It turned out alright, didn't it?

I guess so....

Sometimes dementia works for you and some times it doesn't

I admit, I should not have teased my mother about getting a Mohawk haircut before I took her to the hairdresser. Even if she had no idea of what a Mohawk was, it did create an alarming reaction. She is so fearful of looking like a man. She always had such a great sense of humor and when she seems almost there, I tend to think she IS back to her old self and I tease her. Mean. Not productive.
So, we arrive at the hairdresser's and I assure Bea she can tell the woman exactly what she wants and the hairdresser will do it. I escort Mom to the chair, convinced that only 1inch will be clipped. Ahhh! Thank God for AC and lots of magazines to peruse. It's about 90 degrees outside. What a wonderful break. Haircut done already? I go to help her up from the chair, the hairdresser says, "She told me she would KILL me if I cut too much..." I look on the floor, - no hair. Her head looks exactly the same.... I forgot to tell the hairdresser she has Alzheimer's. What did that woman think?.....
That will be $35.00 please.....
On the way out the door she remarked to an older man, "Aren't you handsome? I bet your wife loves you?"
He had NO IDEA that she was out of it.. Yet he appreciated her compliment.
Sometimes dementia works for you and sometimes it doesn't.

NOTE FROM GRANDPA May 17,2010

Helping Mom get undressed for bed, I noticed a tissue sticking out of her bra. I pulled it out.

"Don't touch my body!" she exclaimed.

"I just pulled a tissue from your bra." I answered.

"It could be a note... Maybe it's a note from Grandpa. .. It could be something important written on it. You never know. You shouldn't take things without asking."